"...I had enrolled in the School of Humility (and am still being held back in the remedial classes). I make my living counseling and advising couples. I like to think I’m good at my job, but I’m not usually all that good at taking my own advice. I often tell people that I need to hang a mirror across from me in therapy so that I can glance over at myself when I am telling couples what to do...

...One practice that I train the couples I work with to do is a spousal examination of conscience. And just to be clear, this means that you explore your conscience, not your spouse’s! I came up with this tool years ago when I noticed that couples have hit a true turning point in their marriage when they stop focusing on how the other person is messing up and start focusing on themselves. When you think about why things are going wrong in your relationship, it is easy to blame the other person: “I’d spend more time with her, if she’d just keep the house clean,” or “Why should I trust him, he’s just like his deadbeat dad!” But years of marriage will (or at least it should) teach you that if there is anything in life you don’t have control over, it is your spouse. When we try to control things that we can’t, we end up feeling frustrated and helpless..."