Scrupulosity isn’t about Sin

Have you ever worried about being “pure” enough no matter how much you pray or seek forgiveness?

Do you struggle to feel confident in your spiritual life, even after your pastor or spiritual director tells you that you are doing fine?

If you’ve ever experienced the painful cycle of intrusive thoughts, excessive doubt, and constant worry over the state of your soul, you may have encountered what’s known as scrupulosity. While it’s often associated with religion, this condition is rooted in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and is more about anxiety than actual sin.

At its core, scrupulosity manifests as obsessive and intrusive thoughts about sin, guilt, and personal morality. These thoughts might include:

"Did I truly repent?"

or

"Does God forgive my blasphemous thoughts?"

Even after seeking reassurance from priests or spiritual advisors, the relief is often temporary, as the mind quickly generates more doubts and questions. It becomes a repetitive cycle, a game of ping-pong where no matter how many times you bounce back the answer, you can never win.

For someone suffering from scrupulosity, no answer feels good enough. There's always a "yes, but..." that follows every reassurance. You might ask, "Was I truly sorry for that sin?" only to hear, "Yes, you were." But in your mind, the response quickly becomes, "But what if I wasn’t really sorry?" This constant scrupulous cycle of doubt, fear, and second-guessing can feel overwhelming, leaving you trapped in an endless loop of anxiety.

The most important thing to understand is that scrupulosity is not primarily a spiritual problem—it's an anxiety disorder. The thoughts that come with scrupulosity may seem intensely religious in nature, but they are not sinful. They are a byproduct of the disorder.

To put it plainly: no matter how frightening, disturbing, or intense these intrusive thoughts may feel, they do not make you a bad person, nor do they constitute sin. It’s crucial to remind yourself that the intrusive thoughts you experience—about your past sins, doubts about your repentance, or fears of unconfessed wrongs—are part of the disorder, not a reflection of your moral standing.

It’s easy to become trapped in the belief that these thoughts are an indication of something deeply wrong with you spiritually. However, scrupulosity is a manifestation of anxiety, not actual moral failure. Your mind may generate thoughts that are unwelcomed or distressing, but these thoughts are not a free choice you’ve made; they are symptoms of an ongoing mental health struggle.

If managing this is difficult, don't try to brute force your way with prayer. Instead, seek the advice of mental health professional alongside of your prayer life.

Scrupulosity is not making you holier, it is only making you more unhappy

Have you ever had a rock in your shoe? It’s not always intensely painful, but it can really wear down your patience. That’s a lot what dealing with scrupulosity is like.

The term "scrupulosity" comes from the Latin word scrupulum, meaning "a small, sharp stone"—an apt metaphor for the way this condition feels: a persistent, invasive anxiety that feels almost impossible to shake off.

Psychologically, scrupulosity is considered a subtype of OCD. This condition is characterized by the cycle of obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are intrusive, unwanted thoughts that provoke anxiety, while compulsions are actions or mental rituals aimed at reducing that anxiety. For someone with scrupulosity, the obsessions usually center around religious or moral fears, while the compulsions may involve behaviors like excessive praying or seeking constant reassurance from religious leaders.

For many, scrupulosity isn’t just about fear of offending God—it’s also about deep concern for one's spiritual reputation. Even saints have struggled with these feelings. St. Thérèse of Lisieux, for example, experienced extreme anxiety about offending God and sought constant reassurance and engaged in intense penitential practices. Although she overcame these struggles, her experience highlights how even the holiest individuals can wrestle with scrupulosity, leading to emotional and spiritual turmoil.

Interestingly, scrupulosity doesn’t always stem from religious backgrounds. Research shows that 20% of those with scrupulosity do not identify with any religious faith, showing that this condition transcends belief systems.

On a spiritual level, understanding the difference between temptation and sin is essential. Many with scrupulosity mistakenly equate having a sinful thought with actually committing a sin.

On a mental level, it’s important to know that this condition can be healed! With the proper approach to your mental health, you can begin to earn back the sense of freedom you have as a disciple of Christ.

Scrupulosity is a mental health issue that profoundly impacts a person’s spiritual and emotional life. While it may originate from a place of devotion, it can lead to significant distress. However, with the right treatment and understanding, it is possible to break free from the cycle of obsession and compulsion. If you or someone you know is struggling with scrupulosity, seeking therapy and spiritual support is essential. There is hope for recovery, and a healthier relationship with both faith and mental well-being is achievable.

One Simple Thing You Can Do for Addicts This Holiday Season

Addiction often spikes during the holidays.

For the individuals I work with in addiction and recovery, the holiday season can be especially difficult. While there are many reasons for this, one of the most common is neglecting self-care and struggling to maintain mental health amidst the stress and temptations of the season.

There’s one approach I’ve found to be particularly effective during the holidays. I call it the Neri Method, inspired by Saint Philip Neri.

What Made Saint Philip Neri So Remarkable?

Saint Philip Neri, a 16th-century priest in Rome, was known for his joy, humor, and positivity. In the midst of an indulgent society, he maintained a life of virtue, free from temptation.

While divine grace played a role, much of his success came from his mindset. He focused on joy, gratitude, and humor, which kept him grounded and attracted others to his message.

The Power of Positive Focus in Addiction Recovery

When struggling with addiction, we can be our own worst critic. Dwelling on past mistakes and bad habits makes recovery harder. The same is true for how we interact with loved ones in recovery. Harsh words often do more harm than good. The key to progress is to focus on affirmations, not faults.

Recovery is about shifting from a negative narrative to one of gratitude—appreciating the past, looking toward the future, and focusing on the present with thankfulness.

Saint Philip Neri understood this. He didn’t take himself too seriously, even showing up to a dinner with half his beard shaved off to lighten the mood. His playful spirit and gratitude were contagious, helping others find joy and peace.

Applying the Neri Method to Your Holiday Season

The holiday season can be tough for those struggling with addiction. Instead of focusing on negative experiences, focus on what you can affirm and celebrate.

Create a “gift list” of things that bring joy, laughter, and gratitude. Share these with family and friends, highlighting the positive moments in your life. This simple shift will help foster a supportive, uplifting environment for those in recovery.

By focusing on the positive, you’ll be giving the gift of a mindset that nurtures healing and freedom from addiction.

A Final Thought

As we head into the holidays, remember Saint Philip Neri’s example. By focusing on joy, humor, and gratitude, he maintained peace and freedom amidst life’s challenges. You can do the same.

When you focus on affirmations instead of criticisms, you’re offering the greatest gift of all: a mindset that fosters recovery and healing.

St. Philip Neri, pray for us!

Unlock the Power of Sleep This Winter: How Better Rest Can Transform Your Life

Winter can make it hard to manage our sleep, and sometimes it feels like we could all use a good hibernation like some animals do. While we can’t sleep through the entire season, there are key reasons why managing our sleep is crucial during these colder months.

First, sleep stabilizes our moods. Studies show that quality sleep helps regulate anxiety and depression. To ensure you get the best rest, avoid screen time during the last hour of your day and keep your lighting lower during the evening. This simple change can have a big impact on the quality of your sleep.

Second, sleep is essential for memory processing. Just like in the Disney movie Inside Out, our brains need sleep to sort through and store short- and long-term memories, helping us retain information and process daily experiences.

Third, sleep plays a critical role in regulating emotions. Ever notice how a short nap can transform someone’s mood? When we don’t get enough sleep, our emotional systems can burn out. Resting our minds helps us stay emotionally balanced.

Lastly, sleep aids in healing. During rest, our stress-related systems slow down, allowing the body and brain to repair and restore any damage caused throughout the day.

While we can't hibernate, getting around 7 hours of sleep can give us the benefits of improved mood, better memory, emotional balance, and physical restoration. If you’re struggling to sleep well, it may be time to reach out for support—sometimes there are deeper issues affecting our rest.

FOUR Questions for Success

We all face resistance in our tasks from time to time. Whether it's the lack of time to transition from one task to another, feeling stuck, or not knowing when to wrap up, these obstacles can prevent us from being as productive as we'd like.

However, by reflecting on these challenges, we can identify patterns and find ways to make future tasks more attainable. Here are a few questions to ask yourself as you prepare for the next task ahead:

1. Where is the wall of resistance in my life?

Identifying where you feel resistance is the first step in overcoming it. This might be the moment you sit down to work, a particular type of task, or even a specific time of day when your energy is low. Recognizing these patterns helps you understand when and where your productivity tends to falter.

2. What tasks do you find yourself resisting?

Is there a particular task you consistently put off? Maybe it’s something you find boring, overwhelming, or unclear. Identifying these tasks gives you the opportunity to tackle them head-on or break them down into smaller, manageable steps.

3. What is building up your wall of resistance?

Often, our resistance is tied to factors like stress, lack of energy, or negative self-talk. Is there something contributing to the difficulty of the task, such as a cluttered environment or too many distractions? Understanding these external factors can help you remove or minimize them, making it easier to get started.

4. What could I do to make this task more attainable next time?

Once you understand your resistance, it’s time to come up with a plan. Could you create a clearer structure? Set smaller goals? Or allow yourself a break between tasks? By making these adjustments, you can lower the barriers to completing your tasks successfully and with less stress.

Reflect on these questions and you build a better approach for tackling tasks, reducing resistance, and increasing productivity in your life.

Your Home Environment May be Ruining Your Mental Health

Your Home Environment May Be Ruining Your Mental Health

In today's world, we face new challenges that can impact our well-being.

The increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide suggest something is amiss within our culture.

Some experts point to the rise of secularism and the decline of religious practices, while others highlight the effects of industrialization and the fragmentation of family and community life. These societal shifts may drive the economic productivity of a technology-driven world, but they often come at a personal cost.

While we may feel powerless to address these large-scale issues, we can take action in one area we do control: our home environments.

By thoughtfully structuring our living spaces, we can create an atmosphere that fosters mental well-being—for ourselves and our families. Cultivating a sensory environment that supports thriving, rather than just surviving, can have a profound impact on our mental health. Drawing from the best research on family bonding and wellness, we can create a space where we feel truly alive.

The Role of Family in Our Mental Health

Family isn’t just about biological ties. It’s about shared experiences, values, and the sense of belonging that comes from being part of a group. No family is perfect, and many face challenges, but they provide a foundation for growth.

By intentionally shaping the culture of our families, we can create a nurturing environment where everyone can flourish. And the culture we build begins with the spaces we create and the time we spend in them. It doesn't have to be complicated, but it does require intention and effort.

The Impact of Technology on Our Well-Being

One of the biggest challenges we face today is managing our relationship with technology. With so much engaging content at our fingertips, it’s easy to spend hours mindlessly in front of a screen.

But if screen time were truly fulfilling, why do so many studies show it can negatively impact our mental health?

The answer lies in our need for real, sensory experiences. We are not just minds that can be transferred into a device. As humans, we are wired to engage our bodies and connect in ways that screens simply can’t replicate.

This is why creating an intentional home environment is so important. Without intention, we can easily fall into the trap of mindless screen use, which slowly erodes our well-being.

7 Categories of Intentional Environments for a Thriving Family

In the coming weeks, we will explore seven key categories of intentional environments that promote mental health and strengthen family bonds. Together, these elements form an effective family ethos. Here is a preview of what we’ll cover:

  1. The Oratory: A space for prayer, silence, solitude, and meditation.

  2. The Table: Family meals, which are crucial for bonding and connection.

  3. The Library: A place for quality reading, essential for brain development and education.

  4. A Garden or Nature Area: Studies consistently show the positive effects of time spent in nature.

  5. Play: From board games to sports, interactive fun is key to building strong relationships.

  6. Immersive Music: Playing instruments and singing together nurture creativity and connection.

  7. Art: Engaging with real art stimulates the senses, imagination, and memory.

Reflect on your culture at home: Is it allowing for bonding, growth and wellness? Or is it geared to isolated activities and a lack of connection?

Name it to Tame it

Resistance can hit us hard. Sometimes, it can even seem like we’re completely stuck.

We all experience moments when we hit a wall of resistance, especially when faced with tasks that seem overwhelming or unpleasant. Whether it's the idea of getting out of bed on a chilly morning or diving into a project at work, resistance can take many forms.

It manifests as stress, procrastination, or even the feeling of being too tired to continue. The good news is that you don’t have to fight it blindly. One powerful technique to overcome this resistance is to simply “notice, name, and tame”. By doing so, you can reduce its power and make it easier to push through.

Notice

The first step to overcoming resistance is acknowledging it. When you sense that something is hard or when you feel stuck, stop and take a moment to recognize what’s happening. Often, the hardest part is not the task itself, but our thoughts and emotions surrounding it.

Maybe you wake up to the sound of your alarm, but instead of getting up, you immediately hit the snooze button. You may think, "I’m too tired, I need more sleep," or feel a sense of dread about starting the day. These thoughts can create a cycle of resistance that holds you back.

In this moment, it’s crucial to name the task and identify what is hard about it. You might say to yourself, "The task is getting out of bed and starting my day, and what’s hard is the feeling of being tired." By naming the challenge, you create awareness. You are not just reacting to the task or the emotion; you are becoming aware of it. This awareness allows you to step out of autopilot and move towards a more mindful response.

Name

Once you've identified the task and what makes it difficult, it's time to name the emotion tied to it. When we’re faced with resistance, our minds often get flooded with negative emotions such as stress, anxiety, or frustration. These emotions can create a mental block, making it harder to move forward. However, by simply naming these emotions—whether it's stress, fatigue, fear, or doubt—you can reduce their intensity.

For example, when you feel that resistance to getting out of bed, you might notice that you feel "tired" or "stressed." Naming these feelings can take away some of their power. Instead of being overwhelmed by your emotions, you begin to see them for what they are—temporary and manageable. This simple act of labeling allows you to distance yourself from the emotion and prevent it from controlling your actions.

Tame

Once you've recognized and named the emotion, the next step is to tame it. This doesn’t mean forcing it to disappear, but rather acknowledging it without letting it dictate your behavior. For instance, if you label your feeling as "tired," you can then remind yourself that this feeling is temporary and that getting out of bed will make you feel more energized. You might even tell yourself, "I can handle this, it’s just a small task to get started."

The key here is to create a mental space between your emotion and your reaction. When you understand that the task isn’t as overwhelming as it feels in the moment, you are more likely to act despite the resistance. By recognizing and naming your feelings, you take away some of their power and become better equipped to handle them.

When you hit the wall of resistance, it’s easy to feel stuck. But by “noticing, naming and labeling”, you can make the process feel much less daunting. Instead of avoiding the task or succumbing to procrastination, you can approach it with a clearer, more balanced mindset. Next time you feel resistance, try this technique: notice what’s hard, name the emotion, and tame it. You might be surprised at how much easier it becomes to push through and take action.

The Power of an "I" Statement

We all experience moments when we feel stuck, overwhelmed, or resistant to action.

These feelings of resistance often arise when we face tasks that seem too daunting or when we fall into negative thought patterns that create barriers to progress.

However, the key to overcoming this resistance isn’t through harsh self-criticism, but by adopting a nonjudgmental stance—validating our feelings and using language that encourages compassion and clarity.

One powerful tool for expressing and overcoming resistance is the use of I statements. These statements allow us to express our emotions and needs without blaming ourselves or others. By taking responsibility for our own feelings, we can reduce judgmental thinking and address the problem more constructively.

I statements are a simple yet effective way to express our emotions and desires while maintaining responsibility for our feelings. By focusing on our own experience rather than blaming external factors, we create space for understanding and change.

To use I statements effectively, follow these steps:

  1. Identify the emotion: For example, “I feel frustrated.”

  2. Explain the situation: “I feel frustrated because I’ve been avoiding my tasks.”

  3. Express a positive need: “I want to break down my tasks into smaller steps so I can tackle them more easily.”

Using I statements helps you avoid self-blame and sets the stage for constructive action.

The key is that you aren’t writing an “I am” statement. Instead of saying “I am frustrated”, you say “I feel frustrated”. It goes from saying something is part of who you are, to saying that something is just an experience you’re having and isn’t a permanent part of you.

Adopting a nonjudgmental stance and using I statements can significantly change how you approach resistance. Instead of seeing it as a roadblock, view it as an opportunity to understand your emotions and take compassionate action. With this mindset, you not only break down the walls of resistance but also build self-compassion, confidence, and momentum toward achieving your goals.

The Perfect Time to Start Gratitude

“Let’s go around the table and each share something we’re grateful for.”

You’ve probably experienced a family Thanksgiving where this has happened. Sometimes it can feel a little cliche, but Thanksgiving really is the perfect time to start a practice of gratitude in your life.

The effects of gratitude is research backed and very compelling. It improves our ability to cope with depression, anxiety and addiction significantly among many other things. The beauty of Thanksgiving is that it shifts gratitude from an individual practice to something our whole community is doing. The effects of this are further amplified as we can more easily how it’s benefiting others as well.

There are many ways to practice gratitude:

  • Journaling a list of 10 things

  • Reciting words that elicit gratitude when deep breathing

  • Sending texts of appreciation to loved ones and coworkers

  • Making sticky notes for your bathroom mirror, etc.

Start by reflecting on what the holiday itself gives us. Focus on the fact that we are not alone when we’re with family. Be grateful that time, energy, and sacrifice has been put into sharing a meal together. Be grateful for the ability gather with friends, even if you aren’t able to be with family for the holiday.

Contemplate these areas, then grow to practice gratitude beyond the Thanksgiving holiday.

Finally, if you are blessed to know the power of the Mass, it is a profound experience of gratitude.

The greek word, from which we get the word Eucharist, actually means “thanksgiving.” It was chosen in recognition that the sacrifice of the Mass is primarily a thanksgiving sacrifice. We offer up Christ’s Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, on Calvary, in gratitude for God freeing us from our sins and the eternal punishment they merit.

In exchange He has offered us himself, to be united to Him by receiving Him into ourselves. Truly something to practice the greatest gratitude over!

Let’s us reap the full mental health benefits of gratitude and bring ourselves in thanksgiving to the holy Mass. May your holidays be filled with gratitude, peace and God’s grace!

The Addiction Test

You can know if your addicted by asking yourself one simple question… and if you don’t you might not get the help you need.

You have to get a grasp on just how bad a behavior is before you can work to solve it. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to know if you are talking about real addiction… or just really just a bad habit.

On one side, you have the bad habits. You do these things even though you know they are unhealthy for us. On the other end is severe addiction. This is a behavior that is progressively enslaving and destructive. At a certain point on this spectrum the activity shifts from something you can work on yourself, to something where you need clinical intervention for.

This distinction is a major bottleneck for many who might struggle with addiction. Working to discern where you are between a bad habit and an addiction will guide you towards the right support. Is this something you can conquer on your own? Or is this something that needs much professional help?

Luckily, you can ask ourselves a simple question to get that answer:

Can you let go of this behavior for 30 days?

There is lots of nuance to addiction, and I’m not trying to reduce its complexity. However, if you can’t keep a 30 day fast it will be a major sign that you might need professional help.

When your body and your brain is addicted to something it creates a cycle of use. On one end is the cravings, and on the other is withdrawal. The reason you return to the behavior is because you either want to stop feeling the urge of craving or get rid of the pain of withdrawal.

To test how serious the craving and withdrawal experiences are, eliminate the behavior for 30 days and see how you get on. If you can go 30 days without the behavior, and have minimal craving/withdrawal symptoms, the addiction is probably on the mild end of the spectrum and might be solved by independent work.

However, if the cravings or withdrawals are strong enough that you aren’t able abstain for 30 days, it might be worth a more serious look.

Often times, having this realization can be frightening for people. After all, no one wants to be known as an addict. However, it can also bring a sense of relief in realizing you don’t have to go it alone. If you have an addiction, you will find healing with other people, which can be a tremendous grace.

With all the advances we have made in science and recovery programs, there are lots of options to support you in your journey. This could be in a group setting (think Alcoholics Anonymous)), or in a smaller setting (think individual counseling).

No matter where you fall with your behavior, healing is always possible. You are never beyond reach of God’s grace and freedom. Continue praying for grace, do the 30 day test, and seek outside help if necessary.