Fully Alive
Making use of our psychological expertise we offer Catholic insights into a variety of topics which help the individual to become fully alive.
...My husband and I tried to focus on the marriage sacrament and fully understanding from our Catholic faith what we were getting ourselves into. However, there are countless distractions that disrupt this focus—so many plans to be made, less and less time together talking about anything other than the “big day”, and that darn Pinterest site! It took a million reminders from each of us to return to the nature of the sacrament....
...But isn’t that what we all do most lents? Actually, for me, I’ve often given up coffee, which turns out to be my wife’s sacrifice—putting up with me when I have not had caffeine—but I swear I’m not addicted! We give up something (usually food) that we do a bit too much of, and forty days later we usually go back to the same old habits we’ve always had. Fasting, of course, is an essential part of Lent; making a temporary sacrifice to put us in the mindset of Christ’s sacrifice is obviously a good thing. But what if it didn’t have to be the same pattern we repeat multiple times a year? (You know the usual cycle: we fail our New Year’s resolutions, and then pick them up with a new determination during Lent, only to forget about the whole thing by the time Summer hits). Wouldn’t it be better if you changed something about yourself—even something very small—for good?...
"...I had enrolled in the School of Humility (and am still being held back in the remedial classes). I make my living counseling and advising couples. I like to think I’m good at my job, but I’m not usually all that good at taking my own advice. I often tell people that I need to hang a mirror across from me in therapy so that I can glance over at myself when I am telling couples what to do...
...One practice that I train the couples I work with to do is a spousal examination of conscience. And just to be clear, this means that you explore your conscience, not your spouse’s! I came up with this tool years ago when I noticed that couples have hit a true turning point in their marriage when they stop focusing on how the other person is messing up and start focusing on themselves. When you think about why things are going wrong in your relationship, it is easy to blame the other person: “I’d spend more time with her, if she’d just keep the house clean,” or “Why should I trust him, he’s just like his deadbeat dad!” But years of marriage will (or at least it should) teach you that if there is anything in life you don’t have control over, it is your spouse. When we try to control things that we can’t, we end up feeling frustrated and helpless..."
"...These three questions have a lot more depth than maybe we thought. So I challenge all single persons, dating persons, and premarital couples to reflect on these questions. I challenge all married couples to reflect on them as well. If you struggled with any of these questions, it is not too late to get help..."
