There is a secret to disciplining your kids…

Really, there is.

Actually, there are three secrest. Foundational pieces that discipline must have in order to be effective.

It doesn’t mean that there is a key technique that always works. Every child is different. However, as long as any strategy hits on these three things it will have a chance at working.

The very relatable truth is that most of us hit a wall when parenting. That time when we have no idea how we’re supposed to convince our kid to behave appropriately.

It’s important to understand that a child’s mental state is a critical part of disciplining, and putting that at the forefront will do wonders when trying to raise them.

I want to write about each of these three things separately and give them the time they deserve. So today, let’s focus on step one:

Consideration

We must understand being human as being in relationship. We are the “knower” and the world around us is “the known”. We must consider our relationship to other things, and not get caught staring at the world as if we’re just looking in the mirror.

We have to recognize the unique individual in front of us, especially if it’s our child.

We consider by pausing and placing ourselves in their shoes. We recognize that people have needs and limitations. Consideration is required to discern these things well, and to try and align our choices in a way that works for the child and the parent.

You may still need to be firm and require something they don’t want. But if you take the time and say it in a way that acknowledges them and their validity as a person, you’ll have much more luck.

For example, instead of saying:

“Don’t take your sister’s food”

You can say:

“I know you’re hungry and you want what she has, but you can’t take your sister’s food”.

Obviously, this isn’t some kind of magic bullet. It doesn’t instantly make a child more manageable. However, over time this will build a sense of being understood by you. The child will have more trust in you and will be more reticent to your requests.

I’ll write about the 2nd and 3rd principles soon, but hopefully this framing begins being helpful to some struggling parents out there. You won’t ever be perfect. As the author, I need reminded of this idea with my own kids frequently. However, getting even 1% better at this will go a long ways with your relationship with your children.