Ok, the three secrets to parenting your kids.

I wrote last week about “consideration” as the first secret. You need to make sure you stop and see things from your child’s perspective.

It doesn’t mean you have to think they are right in their judgements. You just need to strive to understand their thinking so they feel known and understood.

The second secret of parenting is…

You need to be firm.

This might stand out as obvious and a tad cliche.

You would be right in thinking that too. It IS obvious and it IS cliche.

However, that obvious element is exactly why it is such a tough thing to remember.

Many of us fall into the friendship trap. We operate from the lense of needing to be “liked” by our children.

However, what children need is to recognize the strength that comes from adulthood, so they can attach to us securely. The focus on being liked by our kids endangers our ability to be a secure haven for them.

It functions on an underlying mechanism that the attachment required is with a person who can protect and care for them. Seeing the parent as firm will reinforce the security a parent has and gives that security to the child.

Staying firm with our actions and words will be like a strong tree in the midst of a storm.

If we are blown over by the storm, we become a passive part of the world and lose our strength.

Storms come and go, but we must remain strong in order to reassure those who depend on us that we are reliable.

This comparison is more fitting than we realize. Recent discoveries show that a large tree in a forest “mothers” the younger trees, providing them valuable support and resources in the underlying soil systems. It’s nature’s way of reminding us that we indeed need the firm person to help us grow strong and healthy.