I think it’s worth talking about boundaries… again.

I LOVE boundaries. I think they’re critical and many relationships gloss over them.

The world ALSO loves boundaries.

“Boundaries” has become a buzzword that draws a lot of attention in our society. The word seems to fit so well in a world that is so focused on the individual.

However, when it is the sole focus between people, it can lead to estranged relationships.

We get spend so much energy emphasizing the boundaries that we lose the person on the other side.

However.

There is another part to boundaries.

Hope.

It is the decision to focus on being a gift, rather than obsessing over the boundaries themselves.

One of the crucial insights of both John Paul II and the Council writings of Vatican II is this quote:

“Man cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.”

It is deeply rooted in truth that God is eternally giving himself in the exchange between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—the Divine relationship of love.

It can be easy to brush over this concept in favor of finding the tools to establish our relationships well.

Don’t get me wrong, the tools are critical.

However, let us remember what they are there for.

Boundaries exists FOR the relationship, not just the individual.

They give the relationship a framework that lets it thrive and grow to what it is meant to be.

Not having boundaries would be like having a corral without a horse contained inside.

The point of the fence is help what is within be it’s fullest self in a managed and intentional way

When we keep our boundaries well, we more effectively become a gift to others.

We only know we are applying the right boundaries if they accomplish "gifting".

When evaluating your boundaries, ask yourself:

Do they make me a greater gift to others?

Or do I avoid being a gift altogether?

If it is the latter, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your boundaries and explore other important concepts of relationship, like grace and forgiveness.

None of us should give up our boundaries. However, like every relationship tool, they need to be evaluated by the ultimate goal.