Boundaries are the most underutilized part of many people’s lives…

Boundaries help define who you are.

Boundaries help you know where you end and another person begins.

There are 3 steps to set up boundaries in your life.

1. Reflect on tension 😬

2. Identify the frustration 😠

3. Redefine the boundaries 🤝

1️⃣ FIRST: identify what people we easily give into despite our own desires or convictions.

For example, this could be an adult giving into their parents or someone giving in to a coworker.

These relationships can create an interior tension between our own agency—free will—and the desires of others.

2️⃣ SECOND: identify what actions actually cause the most frustration in these relationships.

It’s very common to see boundaries violated in homes where addiction, abuse, neglect, and perfectionistic influences are strong.

On the extreme end, it may be the constant managing required of an alcoholic’s angry outbursts.

On the mild end, it may be being nervous that your space isn’t clean enough for a perfectionist roommate.

One has deep psychological alterations, the other mild frustrations, but both keep you from feeling secure within your space

3️⃣ THIRD: redefine the boundary to keep those actions from happening.

Write down the hard lines that someone should not cross to mitigate these frustrations.

In the example of the perfectionist roommate, it may be that your door will always be closed and they are not allowed to look into your room for any reason.

This would keep them from seeing the mess and getting frustrated.

It would also give you more security knowing they wouldn’t be seeing into your room where the mess is.

Again, the three steps are:

1. Reflect on the relationships in your life with the most tension. 😬

2. Identify what causes you the most frustration in this relationship. 😠

3. Redefine the boundary. 🤝

Write down what you discover during this exercise and see if you can shore up those boundaries.

Truly addressing this area of life is best done with a professional who has a deep understanding of human relationships and how boundaries can be applied. While the above exercise will be illuminating, seek out professional help as well.