I feel lost as a parent, are there any books you recommend?

A book that has been helpful in framing our parental role is Hold Onto Your Kids by Drs. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté. They speak about how to strengthen your family through the lense of attachment theory.

Attachment theory is basically how things bonds us to others and help children orient themselves.

The basic idea is that your child can be parent oriented, or peer oriented… and that you want to disproportionately grow the parent orientation.

Parent orientation means a parent talks with their child, makes good eye contact, and conveys affection and affirmation through various sensory interactions. This allows a child to grow up secure in the connection with a parent’s care, attention, and critical thinking abilities.

The child is able to make sense of the world and have their own brain developed by the more mature, developed person.

Overall, the book covers some very important topics and provides useful tools to be able to reorient children towards their parents and adult relationships for guidance.

One of my favorites is the idea of establishing “rituals of connection” after parent and child have been separated for a time.

A classic example is when dad comes home from work he gets on the floor and wrestles with the kids. The tools are not only helpful for parenting but can also help us examine our bond in marriage too.

Pick up a copy of the book and add it to your parenting library. It is well worth it and will dramatically improve your relationship with your children!