Boundaries are not barriers; they’re tools for healthy, holy relationships. They help you protect your peace so you can love yourself, your neighbor, and God more fully. Unfortunately, creating these boundaries properly is challenging… luckily, that’s where the FAST method comes in. It’s a powerful, faith-aligned way to maintain self-respect while still being kind, honest, and loving.
F – (Be) Fair to yourself and others
Christ calls us to treat others the way we want to be treated—but that includes how we treat ourselves, too. Fairness means honoring your own needs while remaining compassionate to others. A big part of that is validating feelings—yours and theirs. Your emotions are real, and they matter. So do the emotions of the person you're interacting with. When you set a boundary, you’re not saying their feelings don’t matter—you’re just saying both of your needs deserve respect.
A – (No) Apologies
We’re taught to be humble, but humility isn’t the same as self-erasure. Constantly apologizing for setting boundaries undermines the dignity God has given you and importance of your request or boundary. Instead of saying, “Sorry to bother you,” try “Do you have a moment to talk?” That shift respects both you and them. Likewise, saying “Sorry, I wish I could make that, but I can’t” can be reframed as “I’m unavailable at that time. How about this instead?”
S – Stick to your values
Our values as Catholics are rooted in the Gospel: truth, integrity, purity of heart, compassion. When you compromise those values just to keep others happy, you risk drifting from who God created you to be. Whether it’s standing up for what’s right or declining an invitation that conflicts with your spiritual life, remember that boundaries help you stay grounded in your identity in Christ. “Let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes,’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no.’” (Matthew 5:37)
T – (Be) Truthful
Christ was the embodiment of truth—and He spoke it with love. You can be honest with compassion, not by being harsh. If someone invites you out but you’re overwhelmed, you don’t have to lie or fake an excuse. Say, “I’ve had a long day and need some rest. Can we catch up another time?” That’s real, respectful, and rooted in love. Truthfulness builds trust, and trust builds stronger, Christ-centered relationships.
Setting boundaries isn’t about putting yourself above others. It’s about caring for yourself so that you can love others more freely and serve God without burning out. As St. Teresa of Calcutta said, “To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”
So the next time you feel pressure to overextend, pause and check in with FAST:
Fairness. Assertiveness. Sticking to values. Truthfulness.
That’s how you live out love with strength, clarity, and grace.
